We are not Angels: 

In the Islamic tradition , there is a beautiful and heartbreaking story of Iblis, the Archangel whose only function was to continuously worship God. He had been created to be God’s ultimate mirror, and so he was.  Until the day that God created Adam and enjoined Iblis to worship his creature.  Iblis refused.  His nature was made to only worship God.  He said to God, I cannot bow to Adam, I can only bow to You. God said:  refuse and I will exile you from Heaven.  It is said that Iblis’s NO reverberated through eternity as he fell from Heaven to become Satan, the evil one.  The story is always told from the perspective that it was his pride that led him to refuse, he was after all made by the fire of God, Adam was clay.  His is a cautionary tale. 

Iblis.  Satan.  The one who had the courage and the fortitude to withstand the exile from the Beloved was demonized because he did not abandon his innate nature.  He paid the price of refusing to abandon himself and became the despised one.

Think of a child who grows up in a family in which the parent’s needs are paramount.  Mother is an adolescent stuck in sex, drugs and rock and roll.  The Child becomes the parent.  Mother is a narcissist who insists the child has to become the mirror of her perfection to the world. Single mother struggling to get by, don’t have needs because it pains her.  Father is an angry vengeful man whose burst of violence force the Child to become a protector of the family, either by fighting or fawning.  Hit me, Daddy, hit me, not the baby! 

Sometimes it’s more subtle, no external signs but nuanced energies that clearly communicate, mom or dad are sad, be good, be quiet, be attentive, be playful.  Mom sits in the living room crying, dad sits quiet in the corner, reading.  All messages clearly ‘heard’ without a word being spoken. 

We must survive at all costs, without a connection, albeit tenuous to the caregiver,  we are alone, terrified and annihilated. That is intolerable, so  Child the child learns to say Yes to the other and to abandon itself.  To the parents, to the perpetrators, to the boss who is unreasonable, the needy neighbor , anyone else’s needs are primary.

You want me to drive to the store for you even though I really need to stay home?  Sure.  You need me to x, y, z, Yes, Yes, Yes.  And then the depletion, the exhaustion, the despair. And the refrain, how could you be so selfish?  Think of others.  Who do you think you are?  Aren’t you the lucky one, you’re so privileged. 

And the litany goes on and on.  And the little child, terrified in the corner, says No No No to itself, don’t want, don’t’ say No to them.  For if you do, you will be the Satan in the house, how could you do this to your mother, father, sister, brother, family.  How could you not stay late and finish the report, how could you not go to the meeting on a Saturday or Sunday, how can you say NO?

That is the tragedy of those who are demonized, not only by others, but by ourselves when we say No to them and Yes to us?  That is our work in our internal world, to learn to listen to the small, scared voice who says”  “I don’t want to”  And then, like Iblis, takes the plunge into No!  We are not angels, we do not live forever, we are humans who are given this life to learn not to abandon ourselves. When we say no, we are also given the freedom to say Yes to those who love us deeply, respect our inner world, rejoice in our freedom from the inner demonic oppression. We are free to say Yes to causes that truly align with our innate nature, to say Yes to the unlikely companions.  We are not angels, but surely, surely, we can live a more free and ample human life.